Last week Dad had an involved dental surgery that left him with open facial wounds and scary amounts of swelling. The oral surgeon instructed he rest for a week in order to heal properly and avoid infection. I stayed at my parents’ home to take care of Mom so Dad could rest. However, the next day Dad woke up early, went to church, assisted Mom up and down the stairs repeatedly, and then decided to take care of some home improvement chores and painted a door! I was furious. He ignored the doctor’s instructions and refused to rest. Given our experiences with Mom’s illness, everyone in our family understands the immense value of good health and Dad was not taking care of himself!
Later that week, I had my own doctor’s appointment. I had been experiencing back pain for the past six months. I decided it was time to get some help as the pain was not receding but increasing.
The doctor asked me general health questions and about my normal activities. I gave him my general schedule, but I knew there was no obvious explanation. I don’t have a physically demanding job. I’m not a serious athlete. I haven’t fallen or been in a car accident. The problem just popped up out of nowhere.
“Tell me more about taking care of your mother,” he said. “Do you often assist her physically?”
And with that, the mystery was cracked.
I am a petite person and I don’t weigh very much. There is almost a 50lbs weight different between me and Mom, and at this point taking care of her is extremely physical. She can’t get in and out of bed, the car, or sitting positions on her own. She also needs general assistance moving her body into comfortable positions.
I have always been more than happy to assist my mother on my own, but my dad frequently tells me to let him do it or wait for his help. Unfortunately, I have never been very good at waiting for assistance when I know I can do something on my own- but, I was not considering the physical cost.
My body has been telling me it has reached its limited for months and I have been ignoring it. I have been focused on taking care of those around me and have not been taking care of myself. I’ve done exactly what I was so angry at my father for doing!
We all must be vigilant about our own health, especially as caregivers. It is easy to forget about our own needs when we are focused on the needs of someone dependent upon us. But, forgetting about our own health serves neither us nor our dependents.
Not only do my family and I want me and Dad to feel well, but we are Mom’s primary caregivers. The family would be in serious trouble should we end up ill ourselves!
I’m hoping I have learned my lesson. I have promised myself to stop ignoring my own limits and, hopefully, my father will join me.
Keeping my fingers crossed!
(My “sick” picture…)
